At the risk of losing much of the room, am I even allowed to mention the sensitive subject of dogs in cafés/ pubs/restaurants? And if I am, will I be ostracised if I say that I’m not a fan?

If you’re still reading, let me explain myself.

Firstly, I’m not anti-dog. We had the most beautiful red setter by the name of Ruskin when I was growing up. He was so much a part of the family that we still refer to him as the Fifth Beatle.

He had the kind of personality, comic timing and comforting gentleness that meant he is carved into the Mount Rushmore of our family history.

I say this to mitigate against any charges of me being anti-dog – I’m not.

I see their beauty and their role in people’s lives as friends, companions and sources of great love and emotional connection.

Until recently, these beautiful and beloved creatures could accompany you to the coffee shop or pub and would lounge patiently outside while the coffee was quaffed or the pint put away and all was well in the world.

For some reason along the way, it was decided that dogs were welcome in most cafés and many pubs and restaurants as a matter of course, and this is where my eyebrows raise, as this for me, is a little too much.

I appreciate that most dogs are clean and plenty of them are kept under control by their loving owners but dogs, like humans, come in all shapes and sizes (and with a variety of hygiene issues) so we could now be enjoying a coffee with the crossword with a mighty tail thumping your chair or a lolling tongue dripping foam from its mouth or indeed the yapping fur ball that stops for no one.

Some people will love all of these canine traits but there are those of us who think that food and drink establishments should probably be dog-free zones for numerous reasons, with the exception of guide/support dogs who are and should always be more than welcome, and they are always impeccably well-behaved and immaculately groomed.

Beautiful as they are, dogs love to sniff, lick and eat their way through the lamp posts, footpaths and other dogs’ derrières of the world, which is all perfectly normal.

Not so much in the local pub or café where food is being served and conversations are being had or work is being done in a largely clean and convivial venue.

In one country pub over in England, they have dog stations – areas stocked with snacks, bowls of water, etc – and they welcome and encourage owners to bring their canine friends on every occasion. Bleuuuugh.

As a compromise, can we agree that outside areas are kind of cute if you insist on bringing the dog but let’s reconsider the access-all-areas factor before it gets out of control. I haven’t seen dogs in restaurants yet but given how prioritised they are in peoples’ lives, this may change soon.

Emergency addendum to this

As I was writing this is in my local (dog-friendly) coffee shop, my friend Paula passed by and when I told her what I was writing about, she said: ‘Are you feckin’ mad?’ [actual expletive adjusted] before she explained that even though she doesn’t have a dog, she doesn’t mind them in the pubs/cafés and that, by writing this column, I was going to alienate a LOT of people.

I suspect she may be right and that I will be in the minority on this one but this page is for my opinion, and now you have it! Woof woof.

Emergency addendum 2!

Just as I was wrapping up this article, I witnessed the most beautiful exchange between a young staff member and an elderly man as they admired the dog (his neighbour’s – she’s away apparently) and it was so sweet and intergenerationally lovely that I may be changing my mind.

This might be the first ‘livestreamed’ article I’ve ever written, and while it’s confusing, I thought it might be worth outlining my thoughts as they evolve in real time!